Why is it all the good-looking straight men are married?

The title isn't 100 percent true, but it sure feels like it. I just got finished watching the Masters golf tournament, and the winner is a very handsome 28-year-old South African named Trevor Immelman. But as soon as he won, his gorgeous blonde wife with an equally gorgeous accent came running down to hug him and hand him his son. (The one bright spot in his being unavailable, aside from the fact that he would never love me anyway, is the bright red hair his son was sporting. Either Immelman or his wife carry the recessive gene, and I couldn't take the risk that he's the carrier.) (No offense, Nancy.)

Now, back to reality. Why can't I find a great-looking, well-spoken, financially-sound, lover of hyphenates?